And When we were Wrong…

When I was drinking my defenses were strong and it was important for me to be “right” about everything. At one point when I was seeing a therapist, I remember feeling that if I admitted to being “wrong” about anything, I would be “wrong” about everything. I was afraid that the hole in my soul would implode and all the defenses, masks, cover-ups and damage control would be sucked into that hole and I would be left with nothing. I would be nothing.

When we are new to sobriety, we are required to admit to powerlessness and unmanageability. We admit that the appearance of management is a lie and all of the attempts at control have failed. We are offered an opportunity to begin to come clean and take a stand in reality, rather than living in the fantasies that have fostered and supported the lie that allowed the destruction to continue In my life. The first step is a chance to admit we were wrong: our drug of choice was controlling us, rather than the other way around and the resultant unmanageability had made it impossible to resolve the problem by ourselves.

Step two is a gradual realization that we cannot be the final court of appeals when it comes to addiction and that the insanity that results from that attempt ends only as we “come to believe” that there is a power greater than we.

Step three is an action step of surrender. All the work and appearances of managing and being right are relinquished as we let go and turn our will and our lives over to a power greater.

Step four is an honest accounting where many of us tell the truth for the first time ever about the extent of the powerlessness and unmanageability of our lives.

In Step five, we share those truths with God and another human being. We come clean. We admit we were wrong in our attitudes, behaviors, and beliefs. Many of us had lost our own integrity and had destroyed any ability others might have had to believe or trust us. So, the work of the next four steps (six, seven, eight, and nine) is getting right with ourselves and with others.

Then we are ready for the daily and ongoing work of Steps ten, eleven, and twelve: taking each day at a time and admitting where we are wrong, seeking help, strength, and centering through prayer and meditation, and sharing this surrendered life with others.

Recovery is a life of integrity and truth that reconciles our souls within and our being in the world.