The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous is filled with references to the importance of honesty. In chapter five, “How it Works,” words that are read at the beginning of most 12-Step meetings, we are told: “Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves.”

Finding and experiencing recovery begins with honesty about our lack of ability to control our using (drugs, alcohol, behaviors with food, gambling, sex, work, relationships). Addicts use substances, people, things, situations, and behaviors to “medicate” or deny uncomfortable feelings or to alter moods or moderate or make reality more tolerable. At the core of addiction is dishonesty and the inability to live honestly and transparently with reality. The first step of admission that we are powerless over the addiction and that our lives have become unmanageable through our attempts to control and manage is critical. With that first step (simple and difficult as it is) it is a powerful psychological and spiritual necessity that makes recovery possible. We admit (many of us for the first time ever) that we are not enough and that we do not have all the answers. Unless and until we admit that the addiction is no longer working for us (in fact, that we are slaves to the addiction), we remain stuck and unable to find release and recovery.

I have been sober over a decade and I am no longer powerless over the disease of addiction because I don’t risk it with that first drink that was my drug of choice. I find power and strength and confidence, joy and serenity in living daily with life’s challenges and in knowing that admitting that I am not enough and don’t have all the answers is still the best way to start my day. The stance of powerlessness opens me to humility and curiosity. I am able to cultivate a spirit of inquiry on a daily basis as long as I don’t operate as if I were expected to be right all the time and to have all of life’s answers. The German poet, Rilke, invited us to “Live the questions” and that is exactly the invitation of sobriety. When we admit that we don’t know, we are open to discovering life’s answers, we are open to God and the universe to show us new ways of thinking and experiencing life. We embrace others in all the ways that they differ from us. We don’t need life to be defined or to fit a pattern. We can relax because we don’t have to be in charge and life does not have to fit a predetermined picture. Life becomes an adventure to be lived and experienced when we are sober, conscious, and present. It is a good way to live and I recommend it highly.